THE SEX OF A WOMAN

An African Woman



The sex of the woman, remains one of the most complex aspects of her sexuality and life as a human. Perhaps, the particular location of her sexual organ may have contributed largely to this. Located in the crevice, embedded within her body and protected by her thighs from general view, the vagina is already en shrouded in secrecy by biological and physiological composition.

Unlike its male partner, located outside the body, the vagina is more private compared with the man’s. This may have added to the special status and respect, responsibility bestowed on the vagina while also making it the most sought after part of her anatomy. Naturally, anything hidden becomes an enigma, it becomes a treasure to be unravelled, discovered, investigated, experimented with, and most likely acquired.

The delicate, yet multifunction of the vagina adds to its beauty and honour, thus, its special place in societies. It is a channel of physical relief of sexual desires just as it is also a channel of life, procreation and assurance of the continuity of mankind. A woman’s vagina can make or mar her depending on how she puts it to use within the society.

Used ‘wisely’ and she is accorded a respectable position, otherwise, she may become stigmatised. Yet, not all that happens to the vagina is the responsibility of the woman and within her control.

As an endangered specie right from conception, she is discriminated against simply for the reason that she is what she is, a being with a vagina. The joy that greets her birth, determines how much she is desired by her family. This was aptly captured in a popular advertisement “mama, na boy oh!” which depicted the great joy and excitement of a mother on the announcement that her child had delivered a male child in the city.

Wide spread criticism that it was discriminatory against the girl child contributed to its scrapping by the advertisers. And so, those who simply have no use for her, abort her at pregnancy, terminating her life even before she gets a chance to take her first breath in the world. India and China are high on the list of countries where female foetuses are aborted. Most of those who take her home because she is human and deserves to live, already have stereo-typed ideas and plans on how she should and must live her life.

So, she is allowed to flourish only as much as the men she would come in contact with in the course of her life are willing to allow her, depending on who these men are. Providence, luck, hard work, focus, dedication, wit and determination are some of the things that will also take her a long way, where necessary.

A woman in Agony

Yet, the vagina has been a necessary companion to achieving her divine and earthly roles, rather than a best friend, as men generally view their manhood. Ask the young woman plagued with Pre-Menstrual Syndrome (PMS) or Dysmennorhea and you will know that menstruation is not something she looks forward to every month. It’s same for a woman who fervently desires conception, even though the disappearance of a menstruation without conception is bad news.

 

 

A male friend once shared an experience with me of how his friend was forced to slap his wife while they were making love one night. According to the gist, the couple had been married for a considerable number of years without conception. One night as they were making love and she was in the thralls of passion, he got angry and dealt her a severe blow. His reason was that she was busy enjoying herself instead of concentrating on praying that God should answer their prayers that night!

A woman falls victim of rape, sexual abuse and domestic violence simply because of her precious vagina. Thus, her father, grandfather, uncle, cousin, brother, friend, boss, neighbour, co-worker, husband and son who ought to love and protect her and her interest turn out to be her tormentors, sometimes taking advantage of her and her situation. Falling prey to a total stranger is easier to forgive than when the perpetrators are people you once held in high esteem and would probably have to see after the evil act has been accomplished. That is double jeopardy by all means.

If a man fails to hook her down, she is too ambitious, too wayward, too choosy. And if she fails to keep a man down, she is not submissive, she is not wise and virtuous or persevering enough. If another woman wrecks her home and takes her man, she is naive, a witch, not a good wife or mother, while the other woman is smart, intelligent beautiful and cosmopolitan. To make matters worse, rather than team up against their common enemy, the man, they each devise their plans to win him to themselves, declaring war on each other. The man is never blamed for compromising the trust and responsibilities bestowed on him by God and the relationship, simply because he is the man, the one who screws women up!

A married Couple
 

When the children turn out successful, it is because the man supported her or they are truly his biological children, the other way around and it becomes her fault for not paying enough attention or bringing bastards into the family. It is only the mother who knows where bad, unsuccessful children come from!

Whether the sex is good or bad, pleasurable or painful, she must lie down and ‘enjoy’ it. She is the one that gets criticised if she is not a virgin, no one queries the man, he is simply sowing his wild oats. She is ruined; a disgrace to womanhood, yet, someone must marry these women that the man is permitted by society to bed at will. When he strays out of his matrimonial bed, it’s because he needs the variety to maintain his manliness.

It is natural for the men, they are programmed to be polygamous. A woman caught cheating is a disgrace and must be stripped of her wifely and motherly roles as punishment for her sin against nature and society. After all, how dare she desire another man when one is already doing her a favour by providing food, shelter and welfare for her andher bunch?

A man is perfectly built, no matter the shape, size or length of his staff of office, it is the woman that has to adjust her port to accommodate him. After all, it is what a man has that he will use to sleep with his wife, it is impossible for him to borrow another man’s. So, it becomes her business to find a way to reduce or elongate and tighten or relax herself, depending on her circumstance. As the number of children increases, his size does not need to increase, yet, he expects the woman’s own to fit perfectly, wear and tear of child birthing and motherhood makes no sense to him. So, the poor woman has to go through all sorts of inconveniences, including insertions of dangerous objects, ridiculous exercises and even surgery to make her acceptable, a constant offering for the gods, the side effects of these objects and procedures notwithstanding. A man is permitted to drop his seeds till he drops dead as long as he has what it takes to win the attention of the opposite sex. A man of 90 years can bed a young maiden in her teens, it is his right as a man. After child bearing, menopause or a certain age, a woman is no longer expected to have or exhibit sexual desires.

Adore your Woman

Menopause is a disease that can harm, injure or kill her and her husband should they continue to have sex. So, she is expected to close shop, which ever condition comes first. So, she turns a blind eye as her still very active husband plays the exotic sugar daddy to all the young girls that catch his fancy. The woman becomes a “mama ke!” A ferocious man eater!

 

However, many women have become wiser and better managers of their God- given gifts, turning them into successful havens and business enterprises. Many have had to make untold sacrifices, fought silent battles with indefinable weapons, and engaged in activities suitable only under the covers of darkness to acquire societal respect and dignity for their asserts, just as there are a few lucky ones, who have not had to lift a finger to protect theirs simply because they have been blessed with grace by the Almighty. And for them, it’s been stories of benevolence love and support all of their lives. It is to these men that I doff my hat in salute. Men who recognise and acknowledge the significant differences between a man and a woman and are willing and never tired of bridging these differences.

The story of the woman and her vagina is not likely to change for the better anytime soon, because it is the story of the world and what makes it turn around.

(Please laugh, I’m just kidding!) Do have a wonderful weekend!

 

 Yetunde Arebi

Writer and Media Practitioner/Journalist



Life is too sacred and valuable to be wasted for meaningless things. Value your self being, value your time, value your purpose, value your commitment and value the importance of woman. Be not ashamed women, … You are the gates of the body, and you are the gates of the soul.



You can also read When Abnormalities become our Norms by Ayokunmi Solomon Jimoh