ARE YOU SURE?

Hello readers, this an inspirational and educating article we all have to read. Many a time we take decisions without first thinking of the consequence that will follow, dont you think we need to ask ourselves the question " Are you sure". I could remember few months ago, after a long wait of 11 month ... Yes! I know you must have been thinking of what made me to wait patiently for 11 month, hmm... that is a long story for another day, but if you are very good in guessing, you should be able to give a correct prediction. She called me and fixed for a meeting in a popular eatery in Ibadan. In anticipation we met at the eatery the following day, though very tired, in my native regalia I managed to grace the meeting to hear the final verdict from the judge(her). Was I disapointed from her eventual decision? A soldier man is trained to always manage every situations that come his way, however it is always difficult when it comes to EMOTION!


Final verdict
 

Till now, I hope she will be able to give a right answer to the question I quoted from Solape Coker's(today is her birthday) piece "Are You Sure". Perhaps I will get a right answer to the question after reading this:
.
.
.
.
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Tunde and Bisi have broken up! After 2 years? Biodun and Bose just broke up last week! He came back from service year and that was it: 3 years courtship, torn to shreds! Kunle finally wrote from the US, only for him to declare that he was no longer interested. I’m sure you’re familiar with these stories. They seem to be happening every day and if you are in courtship right now with a brother, you would agree with me that there’s a good reason for the question: Are you sure?

 

Gone are the days when a lady can relax once she’s found a Christian brother on fire for the Lord. She could be rest assured that a blissful marriage is already sure and secured.

Many have placed their entire confidence on the spirituality and trustworthiness of a highly respected brother. I’m sure you’ve heard stories of how disastrous and shocking their disappointments have been? So many ladies have had their emotions completely crashed, some others have cried heavy tears that refuse to dry and some are still crying, even now!

 

Are you sure of that Man?

 

 

Quietly, in the heart of every lady, she wants to know if truly, she’s the one this guy loves or she’s just one of the multitudes of loved ladies around him. She really wants to be sure she’s not being deceived.

 

Coupled with the fact that ladies out there, are so desperate to get any good guy to marry, she’s not sure of her stand.  Anytime the Mr or Bro. fails to fulfil a promise or meet up with an appointment, the deep question rings again, “Are you sure???” Sincerely, a lady in the heat of a relationship cannot really count how many times she asks that question. This is a major cause of her several hours of deep thoughts (an example of what men can never return/reconcile when they break a relationship).

 

Dear reader, can I ask you? Are you sure of that brother? Will he be true to you? Will e keep faith with you in the toughest of times? What of when unavoidable circumstances put some distance in-between you (e.g. NYSC, job transfer, etc.): Now that he’s abroad, would he actually come back for you? Would he in the face of desperate lovers in his far away location; still reserve your place for months? Or for few years? Will he wait for you? Or will he later change his mind? Can you give an answer? Are you sure…

 

If you will be sincere, you would agree with me that you are not in any proper position at all to answer any of the above questions. As a matter of fact if you supplied any answers to the above, I’m afraid, you are just guessing. The truth is ONLY

DIVINITY CAN SUPPLY YOU WITH THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS. It takes divinity to know what will happen that has not happened. Or can you by any means ever see the desperately wicked heart of a man.

 

Sorry Ma, only god has that equipment, you don’t. The God who made man said that his heart is desperately wicked and that no one can know it. Not even you, my dear sister. Only God! Only God, I repeat, can guarantee a relationship between a brother and a sister. He alone can make the brother “ZIP UP” when another lady “ZIPS DOWN” on him. This is the crux of this article.

Since only the Lord can guarantee a man for marriage; it will be like playing pool with your life to go ahead into a relationship with a man when you possess a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship with the Lord Himself. Just imagine the kind of uncertainty of heart with which you will go into and through courtship and into marriage if you ever survive to that point at all? Dear Reader, why don’t you reconcile with Jesus and let Him be your guarantor.

 

To be Continued >>>

WHAT VISIT TO ORPHANS CAN DO

WHAT VISIT TO ORPHANS CAN DO

Note on Orphanage Home Visit

"Fading away like the stars of the morning,losing their light in the glorious sun—

Thus would we pass from the earth and its toiling, Only remembered by what we have done"- Horatius Burna

Here is an inscription writing on a tomb stone:

"In Loving Memory of George Muller, Founder of the Ashley Down Orphange.

Born September 27, 1805

Fell asleep March 10, 1898
__________

He trusted in God with whom "nothing shall be impossible," and in His beloved Son Jesus Christ our Lord who said "I go unto My Father, and whatsoever ye shall ask in My name that will I do that the Father, may be glorified in the Son."

And in His inspired word which declares that "All things are possible to Him that believeth."

And God fulfilled these declarations in the experience of His servant by enabling him to provide and care for about ten thousand orphans.
 
End of discussion!

Dear reader, George Muller apparently did many things aside caring for orphans but I guess they are weightless on the scale!

Perhaps you may need to check his biography out for details but my educated opinion tells me that those weightless deeds are in by no means worthless! Only that the Omnipotent God placed His finger on Only this care for the 'worthless orphans' as weighty, worthy and recognised course!

As far as I know, God was equivocal on this scale of preference:

"Pure and undefiled RELIGION before me is this: to visit ORPHANS...in their trouble...." (James 1:27 KJV).

God demanded for visitation to them but George Muller was wise to have accomodated them so his visit will be regular and full; I mean meeting their need because he is ever present to see them in their trouble!

It is about visiting them and meeting their need, will you? 

I have seen tombs with no inscription than the name of the deceased, what shall be written on yours?

Orphans can give you one should you visit them in their trouble!

TIYM( www.facebook.com/tiymng ) is an organisation established to develop, train, and give guidance to youths in education, careers, and leadership intend to visit two orphanage homes; FOMWAN Orphanage Home, Bashorun and He careth heritage Orphanage Home, Akobo Estate, both in Ibadan on November 10, 2015.
If you have any of these materials (shoes, cloths, books, and other welfare materials) within your confine, and foodstuff items, please let us donate them to reach out to the lives of this children. Cash donations are also welcome. To donate, contact us on +2347034586467. Also your presence is more to it.

God bless you.
Ayokunmi Solomon Jimoh
Convener
+2347082201029

PLS SHARE

THE SEX OF A WOMAN

An African Woman



The sex of the woman, remains one of the most complex aspects of her sexuality and life as a human. Perhaps, the particular location of her sexual organ may have contributed largely to this. Located in the crevice, embedded within her body and protected by her thighs from general view, the vagina is already en shrouded in secrecy by biological and physiological composition.

Unlike its male partner, located outside the body, the vagina is more private compared with the man’s. This may have added to the special status and respect, responsibility bestowed on the vagina while also making it the most sought after part of her anatomy. Naturally, anything hidden becomes an enigma, it becomes a treasure to be unravelled, discovered, investigated, experimented with, and most likely acquired.

The delicate, yet multifunction of the vagina adds to its beauty and honour, thus, its special place in societies. It is a channel of physical relief of sexual desires just as it is also a channel of life, procreation and assurance of the continuity of mankind. A woman’s vagina can make or mar her depending on how she puts it to use within the society.

Used ‘wisely’ and she is accorded a respectable position, otherwise, she may become stigmatised. Yet, not all that happens to the vagina is the responsibility of the woman and within her control.

As an endangered specie right from conception, she is discriminated against simply for the reason that she is what she is, a being with a vagina. The joy that greets her birth, determines how much she is desired by her family. This was aptly captured in a popular advertisement “mama, na boy oh!” which depicted the great joy and excitement of a mother on the announcement that her child had delivered a male child in the city.

Wide spread criticism that it was discriminatory against the girl child contributed to its scrapping by the advertisers. And so, those who simply have no use for her, abort her at pregnancy, terminating her life even before she gets a chance to take her first breath in the world. India and China are high on the list of countries where female foetuses are aborted. Most of those who take her home because she is human and deserves to live, already have stereo-typed ideas and plans on how she should and must live her life.

So, she is allowed to flourish only as much as the men she would come in contact with in the course of her life are willing to allow her, depending on who these men are. Providence, luck, hard work, focus, dedication, wit and determination are some of the things that will also take her a long way, where necessary.

A woman in Agony

Yet, the vagina has been a necessary companion to achieving her divine and earthly roles, rather than a best friend, as men generally view their manhood. Ask the young woman plagued with Pre-Menstrual Syndrome (PMS) or Dysmennorhea and you will know that menstruation is not something she looks forward to every month. It’s same for a woman who fervently desires conception, even though the disappearance of a menstruation without conception is bad news.

 

 

A male friend once shared an experience with me of how his friend was forced to slap his wife while they were making love one night. According to the gist, the couple had been married for a considerable number of years without conception. One night as they were making love and she was in the thralls of passion, he got angry and dealt her a severe blow. His reason was that she was busy enjoying herself instead of concentrating on praying that God should answer their prayers that night!

A woman falls victim of rape, sexual abuse and domestic violence simply because of her precious vagina. Thus, her father, grandfather, uncle, cousin, brother, friend, boss, neighbour, co-worker, husband and son who ought to love and protect her and her interest turn out to be her tormentors, sometimes taking advantage of her and her situation. Falling prey to a total stranger is easier to forgive than when the perpetrators are people you once held in high esteem and would probably have to see after the evil act has been accomplished. That is double jeopardy by all means.

If a man fails to hook her down, she is too ambitious, too wayward, too choosy. And if she fails to keep a man down, she is not submissive, she is not wise and virtuous or persevering enough. If another woman wrecks her home and takes her man, she is naive, a witch, not a good wife or mother, while the other woman is smart, intelligent beautiful and cosmopolitan. To make matters worse, rather than team up against their common enemy, the man, they each devise their plans to win him to themselves, declaring war on each other. The man is never blamed for compromising the trust and responsibilities bestowed on him by God and the relationship, simply because he is the man, the one who screws women up!

A married Couple
 

When the children turn out successful, it is because the man supported her or they are truly his biological children, the other way around and it becomes her fault for not paying enough attention or bringing bastards into the family. It is only the mother who knows where bad, unsuccessful children come from!

Whether the sex is good or bad, pleasurable or painful, she must lie down and ‘enjoy’ it. She is the one that gets criticised if she is not a virgin, no one queries the man, he is simply sowing his wild oats. She is ruined; a disgrace to womanhood, yet, someone must marry these women that the man is permitted by society to bed at will. When he strays out of his matrimonial bed, it’s because he needs the variety to maintain his manliness.

It is natural for the men, they are programmed to be polygamous. A woman caught cheating is a disgrace and must be stripped of her wifely and motherly roles as punishment for her sin against nature and society. After all, how dare she desire another man when one is already doing her a favour by providing food, shelter and welfare for her andher bunch?

A man is perfectly built, no matter the shape, size or length of his staff of office, it is the woman that has to adjust her port to accommodate him. After all, it is what a man has that he will use to sleep with his wife, it is impossible for him to borrow another man’s. So, it becomes her business to find a way to reduce or elongate and tighten or relax herself, depending on her circumstance. As the number of children increases, his size does not need to increase, yet, he expects the woman’s own to fit perfectly, wear and tear of child birthing and motherhood makes no sense to him. So, the poor woman has to go through all sorts of inconveniences, including insertions of dangerous objects, ridiculous exercises and even surgery to make her acceptable, a constant offering for the gods, the side effects of these objects and procedures notwithstanding. A man is permitted to drop his seeds till he drops dead as long as he has what it takes to win the attention of the opposite sex. A man of 90 years can bed a young maiden in her teens, it is his right as a man. After child bearing, menopause or a certain age, a woman is no longer expected to have or exhibit sexual desires.

Adore your Woman

Menopause is a disease that can harm, injure or kill her and her husband should they continue to have sex. So, she is expected to close shop, which ever condition comes first. So, she turns a blind eye as her still very active husband plays the exotic sugar daddy to all the young girls that catch his fancy. The woman becomes a “mama ke!” A ferocious man eater!

 

However, many women have become wiser and better managers of their God- given gifts, turning them into successful havens and business enterprises. Many have had to make untold sacrifices, fought silent battles with indefinable weapons, and engaged in activities suitable only under the covers of darkness to acquire societal respect and dignity for their asserts, just as there are a few lucky ones, who have not had to lift a finger to protect theirs simply because they have been blessed with grace by the Almighty. And for them, it’s been stories of benevolence love and support all of their lives. It is to these men that I doff my hat in salute. Men who recognise and acknowledge the significant differences between a man and a woman and are willing and never tired of bridging these differences.

The story of the woman and her vagina is not likely to change for the better anytime soon, because it is the story of the world and what makes it turn around.

(Please laugh, I’m just kidding!) Do have a wonderful weekend!

 

 Yetunde Arebi

Writer and Media Practitioner/Journalist



Life is too sacred and valuable to be wasted for meaningless things. Value your self being, value your time, value your purpose, value your commitment and value the importance of woman. Be not ashamed women, … You are the gates of the body, and you are the gates of the soul.



You can also read When Abnormalities become our Norms by Ayokunmi Solomon Jimoh

WHEN ABNORMALITIES BECOME OUR NORMS

Right from the onset, just after creation, man began earning profound influence from its environment (either negative or positive). Our first parents (Adam and Eve) are today remembered to be the premier "Mumu’s" who fell to the negative influence of the environment due to cowardice as they fell prey to the antics of an external stimulus presented by the serpent at the expense  of their joy, fulfilment and everlasting life.

Unfortunately, our today's society has systematically evolved and improvised on the Garden of Eden's stimulus, thereby institutionalizing millions of innocent individuals to its corrupting influence.

For example, there are noticeable evolving changes in the dressing and grooming of individuals for decades now. As a matter of fact, today, the essence of wearing dresses has been thrown into the mud as a handful of individuals are obsessed with what the majority are putting on or what’s trending. Dresses are now worn to exhibit nakedness instead of covering it.

An elderly man was strolling down the street one cool evening as he wanted to keep fit. But unfortunately, his fitness turned to sadness. Why? Just few minutes of his stroll, he started seeing some sort of season film as if he was hallucinating; young girls were dressed and groomed just like an unfeathered hen, as young boys couldn't be differentiated from touts.

At a point, 'Baba' halted one of the girls and asked; "Did your parents see you before you left home?" The young girl felt embarrassed as she kept quiet, facing downwards. The elderly man continued; "You better go back and appear responsible." The girl thereafter turned back in shame.

Moreover, it would not be out of place to state that this young girl is a robot in the control of her environment; she dressed just like some other girls or perhaps followed the fashion trend.

Just like this young girl, very many individual have ignored the consequences of dressing to environmental influence. Sad to say, due to improper dressing and grooming, many became victims of rape, sexual harassments and molestation. Some others had lost golden opportunities.

The society seems to be depreciating in its values system.  Peers now see you to be an odd one out. We now normalise abnormalities, the abnormal becomes normal while the normal becomes abnormal all in the name fashion.

The beauty of your body is not in your ability to flaunt your Nakedness; Beauty is something that is within you. Ladies, there is nothing wrong in using a make-up, after all makeups add to your natural beauty when it is used moderately but it becomes abnormal when you use it to the extreme. Adding too much of makeups will only make you to age untimely or what is the essence of cosmetics that couldn’t differentiate you from masquerades?

Flaunting your boobs, cleavage, thighs or your knickers devalues your worth, this  might be appealing to some men but the fact is that a real man will appreciate you more when you appreciate your body. This starts from within, when you fail to appreciate what you have; you give room for people to downgrade your self-esteem.

Paul Tarsus in his letters to the Corinthians church in 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20 tells us how valuable our body is:

 “What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's” (KJV.)

How you treat your body matters and can affect your spiritual growth. You can look nice, presentable and godly without being naked or partly naked all in the craziness of fashion!

It’s amazing when you go to boutiques/shops to purchase clothes that reveal half of your body when there are nice cloths in the same boutique that even cost less. I wonder how a normal person pays more to devalue his/her body and pay less to present his/her body appropriately.

You can defer with me on this, but would it be proper to be lost in unnecessary want of the world by following every available fashion trend? This is not limited to some ladies alone; there are many men that also display the above characteristics. They (ladies and gentlemen) anxiously go to the shops and through magazine and Internet to see what is in vogue and the latest trend in town. Not that it is bad to be fashionable, in fact it dignifies you and makes you look good, however it becomes abnormal when your dressing becomes a tool for other people's downfall or sin.

The fact that you reveal your body or you cover up a lot does not draw the right man, your body is not a sale product in which you use all markets strategies to entice consumers in other to get the highest bidders. It’s what you carry inside and your desires for God’s will that will eventually bring the right Man that is God's chosen for you.

Our values system has deteriorated to the extent that it is very difficult these days to distinguish between a church gathering and a club house. I give kudos to the churches that do not join the society to “legalise the illegality”. Houses of God shouldn’t drop their morale standards; it should be a place where such devilish act shouldn’t be condoned. I am not saying you should dress as if you are mourning in God's presence but you must be conscious of what you wear always. Remember your body is the living temple of God and so must not be put in the mud.

 Some guys (ladies not exempted) measure the degree at which they are fashionable with the rate at which they can sag (to wear one’s trousers so that the top is well below the waist). A very observant person can easily see the lines that separate their buttocks into a pair. How I wish they could trace the history of sagging and the kind of people that started the act. I wonder if that is fashion or madness!

Do not use your body as an instrument of destruction or backsliding to others.

You are beautiful no matter what people say. Your beauty is hidden deep inside you, it is not till you front them. It should show the uniqueness in you (God’s glory) and not the other way round. Do not let your body be an element of abnormalities in the name of crazy fashion trend. If you were to stand before God in that clothe, will He welcome you?

Dress responsibly! Don’t join in the anomalies.

Written by:

Linus Kingdom Madueke.

Writer, Public Affair Analyst,     

And an Interior Designer.

+2347030062219

Email: maduekelinus@gmail.com

             Ayokunmi Solomon Jimoh.
 

                President/Initiator: The Immaculate Team

              +2347034586467

                Email:apostleayoks@gmail.com

                BBM:55865408

                Twitter:@apostleayoks

                     &

                                                                      

  


 
         


               
You can also Read Go for Goals

               

GO FOR GOALS





In the beginning God created all living things including plants and animals; he created sun for the day and moon for the night. He created man and commanded man to be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth and subdue it” (Genesis 1: 28).

To be fruitful you must possess your possession, and set a target. Life is like a football tournament in which each teams has a particular aim and objective. This target is what is called GOAL!!! According to Brian Tracy, Goals are the fuel in the furnace of achievement.
                         

What are the goals you set for your future? I want you to realize that a life that fails to perform his responsibility will end up being ridiculed. What are your wishes and potentials?

Life is made up of three wishes, “the dream of yesterday, “the reality of today”, and “the hope of tomorrow”. Out of the 3 wishes, the one you have control on is the reality of today. The ways you utilize your present determine your later life. Plan your life as if you will live for additional two hundred years but live your life as if you will die tomorrow. If you plan and live your lives daily in that way, you will find this life simple as “ABC”. For a testimony to occur in your career, academics, finance, family, marital, spiritual and other areas of your life, you must be ready to pay the price and undergo the test ahead. Do not tie your fate to luck but work harder to reach your goals.

Make use of any opportunity at your door. Some opportunities come but once, when you fail to make the right use of them, you might not be able to come close to them again throughout your lifetime. Don’t underestimate the talent in you, utilise them! Hope you know that just a talent can make a different. No talent is too small; the way you utilise yours determines the magnitude of your talent.

The parable of the Talents in the book of Matthew 25: 14-30 tells us of a servant that failed to utilise the talent his lord gave to him. His lord expected him to utilise the talent positively to gain additional one. He underestimated the talent given to him; you know what ended the parable? The talent was taken away from him and was given to a diligent and hardworking person. The thought of the lazy servant was that the one talent given to him by his master was too small for him to target a goal.

“For unto every one that has shall more be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that has not shall be taken away even that which he has” – Jesus Christ (Matthew 25:29). May our talents not be taken away from us.

We are expected to utilise our talents and use them for things that will glorify the name of God and not otherwise.

You will not know the true value of the 1 kobo in your bank account until you are unable to withdraw your #999.99 in an ATM that can only dispense a minimum of #1,000.

You think 0.1 is surely insignificant? Then go to the University of Ibadan and ask, what differentiate an Upper Class Student with a CGPA of 5.9 and a First Class Student with that of 6.0? I’m sure you will get the right answer.

You think 1 mark isn't such a big deal? Then go and ask a final-year student who scored 39 in a compulsory course. Did your mind just whisper an extra year/ semester?

You think 1 second doesn't count? Then, how long does it take for death to perform his duty? Millisecond!

You think 1 goal is nothing spectacular? Then you will have to do research on many heartbroken matches/games that have separated a champion from the runner up with just a goal difference.



Go for Goals

You think 1 person can't make any difference?
Then go and ask a person facing murder trial in a court but just narrowly escaped execution judgement by a single jury vote.

"Most "impossible" goals can be met simply by breaking them down into bite size chunks, writing them down, believing them, and then going full speed ahead as if they were routine."
- Don Lancaster

No matter the pressure you are encountering presently, sooner or later, you will breakthrough. Please, I want you to know that the greatest of miracles is that you need not to be tomorrow what you are today, that is, you need not to procrastinate but can improve if you make use of the potential implanted in you by God. No matter how small it is, we are all loaded with one talent or the other, do not live your given gift or talent from God hidden, locate yours today and Go for Goals!!!

Ayokunmi Solomon Jimoh

President/Initiator: The Immaculate Team

07034586467

@apostleayoks

BBM: 55865408

You can also read WHAT YOU CANNOT EAT AS BREAKFAST  by Ayokunmi Solomon Jimoh

HOW COULD SHE?

Segun had been on my case for at least 2 years.

I met him one hot Saturday as I was waiting for a taxi on Grogner Street in Iwaya, Onike. He pulled over and asked where I was headed. I don’t ever talk to people on the road but this day, the look of the mist on the window of his air conditioned car made it difficult to ignore him given the extreme heat I was exposed to.

I stepped into his car, grateful for the ride, yet determined to let him know I was no cheap girl that jumps into available cars.

“Thank you so much, Sir, for the ride. I normally wouldn’t do this but I have been standing outside in the sun for at least 30 minutes. The cabs come in trickles and are either taken or too expensive. No one is interested in going my way”.

“Where might that be?” He asked, totally ignoring every other thing I had said. “I’m going to Ikota but I’ll drop off once we get to any major road where I can find a cab”. “You’re in luck. I’m actually going to VGC but I need to get to Surulere first. So I can either drop you off at a taxi park or you accompany me to Surulere and then I drop you off at your doorstep.”

 

In as much as I was so eager not to overuse help being rendered, I opted for the latter option. I was in no hurry whatsoever to go my empty home. Mom and dad were on their way to Ikene for a week long engagement and my younger siblings were all in school. My best friend, Mololu had kindly volunteered to spend the week with me but she would not be getting to mine until Sunday night so that meant I’d be spending Saturday night by myself with only Larry, the dog and Mustafa, the gate man, for company.

I looked at my wristwatch, with its recently cracked screen and declared,

“Well, it’s just 1.00 and I’m not in a hurry so I’ll go with  you”.

I got to meet him properly. His name is Segun, a businessman who was into the oil and gas sector. He had been working for himself in Libya before moving to Nigeria earlier that year. The Nigerian side of his business was only just growing and was already facing major challenges but a meeting he had in Abuja two weeks from our meeting would determine if a major stumbling block would be removed and his license would be granted. He saw an RCCG band on my wrist and asked me to pray along with him. I promised to.

As he dropped me off at about 4pm that Saturday evening, I felt like I knew him already. Segun was very chatty, divulging a lot so quickly. During those hours we spent together, I also found out that he has a 5 year old daughter by a white French girl he dated all through his university years in France. The lady had gone on to marry another Nigerian and they lived in Port Harcourt with his daughter, Amélie. His dad was long gone and his mom had raised him and his siblings by herself. I did what I do not ever do. I gave him my phone numbers and my pin and from there, we became friends.

 

The problem with Segun was with his way of showing

concern and love.

  My primary love language is Quality Time

 

and I’m not really the type to get all mushy too early. So it

came as a bit of a rude shock to me when I received my first

“love you baby”, 2 weeks from the day we met. I really

didn’t know what to make of the message and it abruptly

ended our chat as I did not respond. To be fair to him, I

assumed he was simply overjoyed as he was granted all

necessary permits we prayed for, that he spoke out of turn.

About four hours after, at 1 am, I got another message from

him telling me how much he’s so into me and how he feels

like he has finally found what he had been looking for and if

I would be okay being a second mom to his daughter and

how he wants me to meet his mom. I read it and responded

with a “BRB”. Later in the day, we met up for a meal and

then I explained how, though I appreciate his feelings, it

was all too soon for me and I would appreciate if I am given

a bit more time to be on that kind of level with him. In the

meanwhile, I suggested that we remain friends. He looked a

bit disappointed but accepted and declared that he was in

no hurry and would wait for me however long it took me to

realise my feelings for him or develop them.

Segun was extremely generous to me, almost worryingly so.

 

Once he travelled and brought me an orange Hermès’ Birkin

40cm bag which retails for about $2000. I was shocked and

despite loving nice stuff, I didn’t want to take it from him

initially but I eventually did mentioning it to him that he

really didn’t need to spend that much on me and he should

focus more on growing his business.

Mololu usually saw one Harrods or Neiman Marcus

shopping bag or the other and was always encouraging me

to “stop fronting and say yes to Segun before a sharp girl

does”. I guess because of the manner in which he

approached me, it made me a bit overly cautious since this

his asking out was more like a proposal and he seemed so

sure of his feelings for me. I slowed things down a lot and

outrightly refused to meet his mom for the first three

months. I didn’t want to get carried away at all and kept

praying and taking things slow. Despite our living so close

to each other, I hardly went to his and since I come from a

relatively strict home, his visits were sparing as well (of my

doing).

 

About six months after we met, work commitments took him

away from Nigeria for a long while. During that period, he

would come to Nigeria at least once a month, bombarding

me with all manners of gifts. Even when he was not around,

he’d randomly have flowers delivered to my office.

He would send handwritten letters by DHL and whenever

anyone was travelling to Nigeria, he would have them

deliver something to me, however small. There was a time

he sent me a bottle of Lucozade because I had lamented

that the Nigerian one tasted different. When it came to

giving, Segun was without fault. But in my opinion, there

was more to consider than how generous a man is.

Sometime, five months ago, Mololu was sent to England for

a training to last 3 weeks and she used the opportunity to

shop and ended up having 2 extra boxes. She complained

over the phone to me telling me the airline was

overcharging her and then, partly because I felt it right to

help and partly because I had ordered something’s which

she was bringing for me, I decided to ask Segun if he could

help out since I know he always travelled light and never

uses the extra allowance granted to him. He accepted to

help bring the extra boxes and I gave her his hotel address

to drop them off a day before her flight. He was due in

Nigeria a week and half after.

 

My suspicion was first roused when, upon his arrival, he

took the bags to Mololu’s in Ogudu, instead of as I

expected, bringing it to me and having us sort ourselves

out. I asked for the favour. I mentioned to him that my stuff

was included in the box so it came as a surprise to me

when he drove all the way to hers the next day to drop the

boxes off. When I asked him why he did that, he said the

boxes were quite heavy and that he was going that way and

decided to drop them off. I had more questions but felt since

I was not his girlfriend, there is a limit to the questions I

can pose without looking funny. My pride got in the way and

I decided not to mention it anymore.

The calls reduced. The texts were shorter. The usual “love

you” closing went missing. ‘Mololu too reduced her

communication with me. Then one day, she drove to mine

and after lunch asked the most random question, ‘Are you

and Segun in a relationship?”. She looked like she had

struggled to ask that question but at the same time, as

though that was her aim for coming to mine.

“Why do you ask?”

“Nothing at all o. Just wondering ’cause you have known

him for a while and you said you were praying a while back

for direction and was wondering if maybe God said no since

you are not dating him”, she mumbled.

“Omololu, did I say we are not dating?”

“Oh sorry. But I kinda know you are not”

At this stage, I know she and Segun must have spoken

about our relationship status and so I decided to cut to the

chase.

 

“Did Segun mention it to you himself?”

She looked down and playing with her perfectly manicured

nails, said yes. I had noticed she brought a brand new car

to mine with a new plate number. She had the black of my

Hermes bag too. Wow! I didn’t want to believe what I know

just had to be the truth. It was written all over her face. I

don’t know where I got the strength but I said not a word

after that. Awkwardly, she picked up her bag and car keys. I

noticed then it was a Hyundai. It must be the Sonata she

always wanted ever since it was released last year. She

would always point at every 2011 Sonata she saw on the

road and say she’d one day, get it.

 

To cut the very long tale short, my best friend Omololu and

my 2 year old toaster are now together. Segun drove to

mine 2 weeks after Omololu did and said somethings to me.

He first of all apologised. He said he was not sorry for

moving on but sorry that it had to be someone I knew

simply because of the sake of his consideration of my

feelings and not because it was wrong. He said, as I never

for once, declared any form of feelings for him during our

almost 2 year friendship, he does not feel he had wronged

me in any way. He said he would always be grateful for

meeting me as, through me, a door of everlasting joy had

been opened to him and he would like my blessing as he

walks into it. I was weak.

 

To be honest, I’m not hundred percent certain which hurts

more, the fact that I’m losing a really nice and eligible

suitor, that I lost him to a ‘friend’, the sneaky way it

happened or the fact that I almost executed the deed for

them by creating an enabling environment.

I really wanted to know how it all happened and so I

demanded the tale, not from Mololu, but from Segun

himself. He told me that the week before he travelled, when

he saw her at mine, they had got talking whilst I was in the

bathroom and she had mentioned she would be off on

training and that she would be doing crazy shopping for her

new apartment. They had a few ‘moments’ that day but they

did not exchange numbers. It was the day she brought the

bags to his hotel that the sparks went flying. She had gotten

to his hotel at about 12 noon and they went to out together

and he dropped her off at her hotel at about 9pm. Early the

next morning, at about 5 am, he drove down to her hotel to

take her to the airport himself and from their journey, they

got even closer. According to him, he knew that morning

that he was ‘home’. That conversation sounded painfully

familiar and I couldn’t help my grimace. At that juncture, I

held up my hands and told him I was satisfied with the

information he furnished and that they both have my

blessing. He hugged me and left.

 

That evening, Omololu updated her status with these words

“Those that wait on the Lord will rejoice. I rejoice. Behold,

my Boaz!”. His picture was her DP. I remember that picture.

I took it with his iPhone whilst trying out an app. Each day,

a new picture of him would be put on display. There was

even one of herself, Segun and his daughter. She had firmly

ingrained herself in his life.

Due to how serious I know Segun is, it came as no shock to

me when she told me they were getting married and she

really wanted me to be her chief bridesmaid though if I felt I

could not do it, she would understand. According to her,

she was doing that for the friendship we once shared which

she hoped we could revive. I refused. But not before letting

her know that I could be counted on if she needed any

assistance.

         

At about 12 midnight, I got this email from her,

“Sweetheart, I love you. God knows I do. I apologise for

how I might have hurt you but despite all, I would be a liar

to say I would or could elect to do things differently if given

a second chance.

Oluwasegun has brought me the type of joy I thought was

only for the fairy tales. But through him, I have my very own

fairy tale. I love him with all my being. I know I might come

across as insensitive and selfish. I am sorry. But please, try

and find a place in your kind heart to let go of any hurt you

might be experiencing and enter into a place of happiness

for me, Omololu, your sister and best friend since our

Corona days. It should not be heard that we are fighting

over a man and remember, my darling, you never were in a

relationship with Segun.          

 

You never took the plunge, you shielded your heart from

hurt and refused to commit to anything. I know you babes.

When you truly love a man, you have no time for such long

due diligence exercises. If you want to be sincere with

yourself, you would admit that Segun never did anything to

your heart. Your heart did not skip beats with the sound of

his voice. Your body never quivered with the touch of his

hands. I understand you two never even kissed. You clearly

never felt love for him.

However, I cannot discount the friendship you shared. Till

date, he still goes on and on about how you are the only

friend whose loss moved him to his core. I can testify too of

your level of regard of your friendship and respect for him.

But my dear, friendship and respect are not solid foundation

enough upon which to construct a marriage. You knew this

and this is why you stalled. What did not grow in 2 years

would most likely never grow.

I hope you understand that the aim of this email is not to

throw in your face the fact that Oluwasegun and yourself

never had anything concrete but to let you take a proper,

honest and dispassionate look at goings on. If you do,

forgiving me would come, naturally.

I can’t stop loving you dear. I am sad that the vow we made

to each other 16 years ago to be each other’s maids of

honour even if one got married first would not be fulfilled.

Please, re-examine your heart and find a place in it to

forgive me.

Yours now and always,

‘Mololu.” 

 

 

          The tears came pouring down. I couldn’t say exactly why

and they were not asking. I felt sorry for myself. I felt sad

because I really wasn’t crazy about Segun but we could

have made it work, I guess. Omololu now was benefitting

from all the prayers I invested in Segun, all the fasting.

That, more than anything hurt me. I would have married

Segun. I just needed him to pass one more test and voila,

I’d have said yes to him. I never thought he’d stop loving

me. I never thought I’d lose him and certainly not to my

friend, my supposed best friend.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

I eventually decided to be her Chief Bridesmaid and muster

strength to be happy for her. There was no faking the look of

intense joy on her face when I told her I changed my mind.

She jumped on me in her usual boisterous fashion, laughing

and crying at the same time.

God has been helping me. It has been hard. Especially

when I see the look on Segun’s face as he looks at her. He

never looked at me that way, I must confess.

His business has been doing greatly and he is sparing

nothing for his wedding. His daughter, upon Omololu’s

request, will be both the little bride and the flower girl.

Omololu’s nephew will be the ringbearer. Her Eli Saab

dress is absolutely beautiful. Segun flew us both to England

to get it. She asked for a size bigger and I suspect she is

pregnant.

With each day, the feeling of hurt and betrayal gets slowly

taken over by happiness for her and hope for my own

future. I still haven’t met anyone worth reporting on and

despite this, I have joy. Not happiness, but joy; joy that all

will turn out well. But for now, I still can’t help from asking

myself each time I look at Omololu, “How could she?!”

Who would you blame?

 

THE END

                                          ***

 

Readers, what are your views on this situation?

-Would you accuse Omololu of being a conniving, scheming friend? Or would you blame the writer for being a slow person who forgot that time waits for no man and who possibly had started taking Segun for granted? Or should we lay the blame at Segun’s feet, the slimy bastard who had the nerve to move from one girl to her best friend? Or is there really anyone to blame? Could it not be argued, and successfully too, that when love takes over, restraint is hard, if not impossible, to practise and maybe, as Omololu stated in her letter, Segun was never destined to be with her friend?

-Do you support long periods of ‘fronting’ or as some term it, due diligence/waiting on God’s approval? How long is too long for a girl to keep a guy hanging?

-Also, the issue is raised on the appropriateness or not of a guy coming on strong and speaking of marriage early on thereby making a girl overly careful and scared to say yes.

-I also see the matter of getting your friend close to your man or potential man. How close is too close? Was the writer silly in giving them that opportunity to start something or would it have happened anyway?

-There is also the issue of being a good nice girl who would not accept anything (gifts etc.) from a guy as you want to build things together and do not want to appear to be using him and then along comes ‘Sisi Nene’ who takes whatever she is offered, sometimes even demanding, and dude keeps loving her deeper and deeper.

         

These are a few of the issues I identified. Do you see more? What are your thoughts?

 

 © Temiville and The Musings of a Caramel Latte

Addict, 2010.

 

Written by:

Temiloluwa Faith Adebayo

Writer, blogger, and a Lawyer in practice.

E-mail: temiville@yahoo.com

 

 

You can also read Delay is Never a Denial by Ayokunmi Solomon Jimoh